FOOD AND DRINK JOKES
You probably won't find these funny. We did though and that's why they're here.
If you've a got a good food or drink joke, please head to Contact Rock Realms and share it with the rest of the world!
Jokes last updated ... 16th January 2010 ...
A man goes into a cafe and sits down. A waitress comes to take his order, and he asks her, "What's the special of the day?"
"Chili," she says, "But the gentleman next to you got the last bowl."
The man says he'll just have coffee, and the waitress goes to fetch it. As he waits, he notices the man next to him has a bowl of chili that remains uneaten. "Are you going to eat your chili?" he asks.
"No, help yourself," replies his neighbour.
The man picks up a spoon and eagerly begins devouring the chili. When he gets halfway through the bowl, he notices the body of a dead mouse in the bottom of the bowl. Sickened, he pukes the chili he had just eaten back into the bowl.
The man sitting next to him says: "Yeah, that's as far as I got, too"
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?" asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."
A man travels to Spain and goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains, "are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted, but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. After dinner the man informed the waiter that these were better than the pair he had the previous afternoon but the portion was much smaller.
"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not lose every time."
A leper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender glances over and promptly throws up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looks hurt and says, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looks up and proclaims, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."
