A fine collection of naughty music related limericks. You probably won't find these funny. We did though and that's why they're here.
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Limericks last updated ...30th July 2009 ...
This Spanish/Welsh singer named Bruno,
Said, "Screwing is one thing I do know.
Whilst women are fine,
And dolls are divine,
Sheep are my numero uno!"
The bass player wanted to strum,
On something as loud as a drum,
He rewired his Squier,
The voltage went higher,
And lightning shot out of his bum.
A guitarist knew only one chord,
He played it until he was bored,
If only he’d paused,
He wouldn’t have caused,
All his neighbours to sod off abroad.
In winter, this singer called Flo,
Had drunk too much wine at the show,
Her bladder was big,
So she ran from the gig,
And spelled out her name in the snow.
There once was a drummer from Leeds,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds,
The grass started growing,
His balls needed mowing,
But his willy got covered in weeds.
There was a guitarist from Perth,
Who snorted C4 for the mirth,
It all went quite wrong,
When a wire touched his schlong,
Now he’s floating in orbit round Earth.
There was a young rock fan named Sweeney,
Whose girlfriend spilled gin on his weenie,
He thought this uncouth,
So he added Vermouth,
And asked if she’d sip his Martini.
This mental guitarist called Billy,
Often strapped bombs to his willy,
One day he coughed,
He set the bomb off,
He was last seen mid-air over Chile.
A one armed guitarist’s best trick,
Was to rip up the stage with a pick,
He could play through Eruption,
And that’s why he’s called Clever Dick.
There once was a drummer from Hitchin,
Who was scratching himself in the kitchen,
He said to the singer,
I slept with this minger,
And now all it’s doing is itchin’!
There was a young groupie from Crewe,
Who remarked as the drummer withdrew,
The singer was quicker,
And thicker and slicker,
And two inches longer than you.
This groupie looked pretty damn gnarly,
She loved quaffing drinks made from barley,
Her breath smelled of cheese,
She had scabs on her knees,
And her farts sounded just like a Harley.
There was a young singer from Harrow,
Who had one as big as a marrow,
He said to his tart,
Try this for a start,
My balls are outside in a barrow.